Rosebud...

What does it mean? You know, at the start, in the first 5 minutes, I actually wondered. Actually cared. It didn't take long before I regretted putting this movie in the DVD player. Actually I'm really starting to wonder if it was a very good idea to watch these so called "classic" movies.
This week I am reviewing Citizen Kane. Released in 1942 in Australia and winner of an Oscar for best writing in an original screenplay. All I can think is that it was in the war years, so it must have been the only movie made that year. It was nominated for a heap of other Academy Awards but didn't win them, which still makes sense. It is so bad that even if there was no competition, the Academy still wouldn't be able to give them the awards.
Citizen Kane was co-written by Orson Welles and he also played the lead character. I don't know much about Orson Welles and after seeing this movie I don't care to find out much about him. Except to say that if I see another movie that is written by or starring him I will run screaming for the nearest bomb shelter, deserted island or Armish community. Any place that a TV can't be found. I can actually take heart that I read the following on the trivia section on IMDB : "Despite all the publicity, the film was a box office flop and was quickly consigned to the RKO vaults. At 1941's Academy Awards the film was booed every time one of its nine nominations was announced. It was only re-released for the public in the mid-1950s." If only they'd left it in
the vault and then tested atomic bombs over it.
[The next bit contains spoilers]
Anyway, enough whingeing, the plot is about a media mogul, Charles Foster Kane (played by Orson Welles) who has just died. His last word before he dies is "Rosebud". The story then retells his life story because a journalist at his paper interviews key characters in his life to try to find out what Rosebud means. This idea I think is clever, and if executed well, it would be great. But the story is so incredibly boring that I don't know how I didn't fall asleep. I mean there would be no such thing as insomnia if everyone in the world owned a copy of this movie. You could come home from a stressful day at the office, all wound up, not able to sleep, pop Citizen Kane on and in about 10 minutes you'd be punching out zeds. I'm sorry, I'm whingeing again, I can't help it. So the story plods along and by now I couldn't give a rats what Rosebud means and my mind starts to wander, and I start thinking about why glue doesn't stick to the inside of the bottle. True story. Anything to keep myself awake. Then we find out what Rosebud means and because I had already given up caring about it, I wasn't disappointed that it was the name of his sled when he was a boy and not the love of his life or anything remotely important. Then that's the end and I am tinged with happiness and sadness. Happiness because the movie is finally over and sadness because I just realised that is 2 hours of my life I will never get back.
What else can I mention about this movie? The camera angles were quite arty. I also found it weird that the characters often talked over the top of each other. It was a little bit off putting. The makeup was pretty good because it made Orson look believably old and young.
Brace yourself for the ratings. As you could imagine this won't be pretty. I have actually left some room because I have seen movies that are even worse than this one, believe it or not.

Here goes -
Citizen Kane : 2 faded old newspapers

Based on a true story...

Actually it isn't, but more on that later. The movie I am referring to is Fargo, written, directed, produced edited (and probably even catered) by Joel and Ethan Cohen in 1996. It won 2 Academy Awards - best actress in a leading role (Frances McDormand) and best original screenplay (the Cohen brothers).

The movie starts with the text: "THIS IS A TRUE STORY. The events depicted in this film took place in Minnesota in 1987. At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred." This in itself is an excellent move because as the story progresses, and more disturbing things happen, you have in the back of your mind that those things probably really did happen. There are quite a few well known actors in this movie, Steve Buscemi (a personal favourite of mine) William H Macy (another favourite) and quite a few others I have seen in TV shows or other movies. The plot is about a car salesman (William H Macy) who schemes to have his wife kidnapped (by Steve Buscemi and his accomplice). They are to split the ransom money that is to be paid by his rich father-in-law. Things start to go wrong when the kidnappers are pulled over by a state trooper for not displaying the correct registration plates and they kill him. Things start to go horribly wrong for William H Macy's character too as his father-in-law wants to be part of the negotiations, potentially ruining his plans. The saviour in this film is the pregnant local police woman, played by Frances McDormand, an extremely likeable, smart and calm character. The way she handles crime scenes in a non-plussed, relaxed manner, not at all affected by the gruesome scenes she witnesses is actually refreshing and welcome. It helps to balance out the violence. Personally I didn't see anything in her performance that would warrant an Oscar though, but then again who am I to judge these things.

This movie is disturbing and violent and warrants it's MA rating. I personally think it is more deserving of an R rating than Fight Club. It is a black humour though and possibly because some of it is so visually disturbing, it is hard not to laugh. The setting of the movie (actually none of it was shot in Fargo) adds to the mood of the film, as does the music.

As far as I know, I have only seen one other movie made by the Cohen brothers and that is The Big Lebowski. I actually enjoyed that more than Fargo. Both movies feature Steve Buscemi and in Fargo he plays the role of the "funny looking" man. When they say in the movie - "how is he funny looking?" I asked myself the same question. It is his teeth. He has a face full of crockery that looks like he picked up off the floor of a Greek wedding. I actually wondered how he would feel about being portrayed that way but it couldn't have been too bad because in the end he was chipper. Boom tish!

So, is it a true story? No. Any research done on the movie will tell you that. In fact, at the end of the movie they have the standard disclaimer about the story being ficticious etc. The Cohen brothers wrote about crimes they had heard or read about, so I guess in a sense, it is partly true.

Now comes the time for me to think about giving it a rating. I didn't dislike the movie, but then again, I wouldn't hurry to watch it again. The story is told well, the cinematography was great and the characters were very good. It just seems to me that any movie that is disturbing or violent automatically becomes a hit with everyone. That isn't enough for me to give a movie a high rating. It is more about enjoyment for me and I must admit I enjoy movies that make me laugh like a comedy would. This movie made me chortle but the kind of chortle I would make when watching a kid fall off his bike on Australia's Funniest Home Video Show. Not really a belly laugh.

Here is the rating :
Fargo - 5 woodchippers

As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a gangster...

Well not me, that is what Henry Hill (played by Ray Liotta) says at the start of the movie. Goodfellas was made in 1990 and is the first of many gangster movies on my list. And here I was thinking it was a story about the Salvation Army.
I haven't seen many, if any gangster movies or shows, that is why there are so many on my list. One thing I do know is if you are making a gangster movie you need the following ingredients -


1. Robert De Niro
2. Joe Pesci
3. Killing, lots of killing and then revenge killing.
4. Guns and knives (see point 3)
5. A respected character (see point 1)
6. A crazy character (see point 2)
7. Cigarettes and cigars
8. Italian suits
9. Lots of swearing
10. Martin Scorcese as director

Goodfellas is based on a true story and I have a vague memory of seeing a documentary about it. It follows the life of Henry Hill, played by Ray Liotta as I have mentioned, as told be him. He gets involved in organised crime from an early age and befriends Jimmy (played by Robert De Niro) and Tommy (played by Joe Pesci) and works for Paulie (played by Paul Sorvino), the mob boss. Later in life Henry starts dealing in drugs and becomes addicted to cocaine, his marriage suffers and he is in fear of being chased by police and in fear of his mob connections. After a massive heist with Jimmy and Tommy, amongst others, they all start getting paranoid that the others will "rat" on them, or lead the police to them. The solution: kill them.

This movie has confronting violence, that is why it gets an R rating. The killings are shocking which is the way they are meant to be. Joe Pesci's character is particularly disturbing. He is a maniac who kills people just for making fun of him. The lack of distress he has with the notion of killing somebody, chopping them up, and disposing of the body is chilling. Joe Pesci won an Oscar as best supporting actor for this role. Even though Henry Hill is a majorly flawed character, drug addict, violent, corrupt etc, I still found him to be likable. The same can be said about Jimmy, Even if they were crooks they were mostly fair and kept the violence mainly to fellow mobsters or people who deserved it.

The acting, script, direction and pace of the movie are all very good. There is something about it though that I didn't like, but I can't put my finger on it. I think it was slightly too long and I got just a little bit confused at times with who was who (all those Italians look the same to me). The ending was not what I expected, which is a good thing. Maybe the thing I didn't like about it was how confronting it was. Maybe I should stick to Disney movies.

The Ratings -
Goodfellas : 6 stabs with a large kitchen knife
Spaghetti with home-made sauce : 6 tomatoes

Moon River, wider than a mile...

This week I watched the third of my must see well known movies, Breakfast at Tiffany's. I would categorise this in the most famous movies along with Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, The Wizard of OZ, The Sound of Music and Cool Runnings.

I wasn't sure what to have for dinner while watching this movie and then it hit me. I wouldn't have dinner at all, I'd have breakfast! So bacon, eggs, hashbrowns and pineapple juice it is.

Breakfast at Tiffany's was made in 1961 and won 2 Oscars (both for the music). Now, this movie could probably be classed as a chick flick, but I must admit I liked it quite a lot. To balance things out in my review then, I will mention a few blokey things every now and then.

Audrey Hepburn is a classic beauty and her role in this as Holly Golightly is probably her most famous role. Holly is a likeable character if not a little aloof. From what I have read she is a high class call-girl in the movie, but the hints weren't strong enough for me to pick up on. It is quite obvious though that Paul Varjak (played by George Peppard - who I only knew from the 80's TV show The A-Team, a very blokey show) gets paid to be somewhat of a gigolo. There are some quirky funny moments and I will admit I did get a little emotional at the end. Sure, not as emotional as Roger Federer after he lost the Australian Open final (tennis - a somewhat blokey sport), but a little emotional none the less.

The storyline revolves around Holly and Paul (or Fred, as Holly likes to call him) who live in the same block of apartments. Paul is a struggling writer who has a sugar Mumma to keep his head up, so to speak. Holly is a, well, we never actually know, but she is always dressed stunningly elegant, even when she is in her casual clothes. Maybe it is her hair. Yes I think that is why she always looks so beautiful. She gets caught up with a Mafia boss (very blokey) though this part of the story is really just a sideline, but contributes to the ending. I have heard the ending in the movie is completely different to the ending in the book, written by Truman Capote. I enjoyed the ending in the movie and thought that it was fitting.

The only negative I have about this film was the Asian landlord (who I found out later is played by Mickey Rooney). It is obviously an attempt at being funny, and maybe it was funny back in the days when a pie to the face was funny, but it just seemed way too forced for me.

The music in the movie fits it like Audrey Hepburns black velvet glove - perfectly. That is why composer Henry Mancini picked up 2 oscars for it. In fact, the song Moon River is probably the most famous quote from the movie. Excuse me, I just have to duck off to tune the engine in my monster truck.... there that's better, I was getting a bit sappy and sentimental there for a while.

So to summarise - I really enjoyed this movie. The character interactions, storyline and pace of the movie kept me interested. The length of the movie wasn't too long or too short, and heaven forbid I even loved the cat.
I think I'll watch a gangster movie next week, just to get my blokey quotient up.

To the ratings -
Breakfast at Tiffany's : 7 diamonds (from Tiffany's of course) and 1 stray cat
Bacon, Eggs & Hashbrown : 6 rashers of bacon, 1 egg
Chocolate cake made in a mug with ice cream and chocolate flavouring, and muggacino : 8 scoops of ice cream

Dinner - or is it breakfast?

Dessert - chocolate cake made in a mug, ice cream and chocolate topping

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn ....

Or do I? This weeks review is for the classic, Gone With The Wind. Made in 1939,in colour and winner of 8 Academy Awards. I'm glad I can say I have watched it, but I'm not sure if I would watch it again. I did like it though and I must say, I enjoyed the second half much more than the first. So what I am saying is that I enjoyed the last 6 hours of the movie the most.

Set in the American civil war, the movie follows Scarlett O'Hara (played by Vivien Leigh) and her ordeals. She is an interesting character and a more unlikeable, uncharming and annoying leading lady in a movie I haven't encountered since Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge. Well I find Nicole Kidman to be unlikeable and uncharming all the time, so that is unfair to Moulin Rouge. We have a charming leading man in Rhett Butler, played by Clark Gable. Actually, he may not be charming, but any man who wears a flash suit, a slicked back hair do, and one of those pencil thin cookie dusters on their top lip, automatically looks like he could charm the pants off any lady. Mental note: I must grow a pencil thin moustache.

I find a few things interesting about this move:- this is the first "classic" movie I have seen where nobody smokes. Even more strange considering smoking was cool when it was made, and the fact that apparently both Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable smoked 4 packs of cigarettes per day in real life. No wonder the kissing scenes were so lacklustre - they both probably felt like they were kissing a burnt out tree stump.
Another thing was that half the important characters in the movie got killed while trying to jump a fence on a horse. Civil War, Schmivel war, the most common cause of death in this movie was while show boating on a nag.
Lastly, the movie runs for just under 4 hours, yet Scarlett and Rhett get engaged, married, honeymoon, have a baby all in the same minute. 1 minute later and the baby is now 5 years old. Talk about glossing over the important parts of life!
I really liked how this movie had an intermission. At around 4 hours in length I actually used the half time intermission to stretch my legs.

Now for the things that annoyed me about this movie. The main one is the background music. It is as if the producers said - "Hey we paid for an orchestra to play the background music, so they are going to play the whole time, no matter what." Sometimes the musical score is so obviously inappropriate, it detracts from the movie. It sounds like the music they now play at the Academy Awards when they want to drown out a speech if it is going too long. Another thing that annoyed me - it is just too damn long. I'm sure they could cut at least an hour out of the movie, particularly in the first half. Originally I was going to say that Scarlett O'Hara is too unlikeable to be the main character but that is exactly the way she is meant to be and makes the movie more enjoyable as it goes on.


Ratings time -
Gone With The Wind : 6 I don't give a damns, 1 pencil moustache
Spaghetti and Mediterranean Meatballs : 7 balls of mince
Coffee and Tim Tams : 9 chocolate smudged fingers

The first rule of Fight Club....

is you do not talk about Fight Club. So that makes this review easy for me. I will talk about my home-made hamburger instead. It was nothing special actually. It was rather bland. The meat in it, the base of any good hamburger, was lacking in any distinct flavour. Funnily enough I could say the exact same thing about the movie. In fact, the hamburger was better than the movie. Quite a bit better.

This movie, was made in 1999, and was added to my list because it rates so well on IMDB (8.7). I just don't get how? I had no idea about the plot before I watched it, though I figured it would be about a group of men who form a "fight club" as an escape from their mundane lives. Partly right, though the movie doesn't go very far down that track to fully find what is going wrong in the men's lives to turn to this violent club.

* next paragraph contains spoilers *
The biggest problem I have with this movie is that it is a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing. I found the same with Pirates of the Caribbean. Is it meant to be funny? Is there meant to be a love story? Is it meant to make me think about my own life? Is it meant to take me on a journey? Well it didn't do any of that for me. It has a plot twist that, to me, was as easy to pick as a sunrise. I was sitting there thinking - "this storyline isn't very strong, what could happen that would be an attempt to boost it? Ahhh, Tyler Durdin and the narrator could be the same person!" So an hour and 30 minutes later in the movie when that humdinger is finally exposed, it was no surprise at all to me. But Edward Norton has already been in a movie where he had a split personality, Primal Fear. That movie did it much better and with a plot twist in the end that I never saw coming. If I wanted to watch a movie that was funny because somebody wore a fat suit, I would watch Mrs Doubtfire. If I wanted to watch a movie where men join a club to get away from their ordinary lives I would watch Old School. If I wanted to watch a movie for it's violence and semi nudity I would watch Sin City. All of those movies I have just mentioned, focussed on that one thing, and were all the better for it.

So now for the ratings. I base my ratings on a few things and it generally changes throughout the movie. I started with a 6 for this movie because I thought it had potential, potential to really make me think and soar to an 8 or 9. It continually let me down. A rating of 5 means I wouldn't watch it again. I ended up giving it a rating of 3, which means that even if it was on TV and the only other show on at the time was re-runs of Lassie, I would be cheering her home instead.

My ratings -
Fight Club : 3 punches to the face (which I would prefer over watching this again - at least it would be over quicker)
Home made Hamburger - 5 meat patties
Pure Blonde Beer - 8 green bottles

Here's looking at you kid...

So here goes my first review of my movie list and the first film I chose is the classic, Casablanca. I wanted this to be a special occasion so I settled in with a bowl of home made fried rice and a glass of Jacobs Creek Semillon Chardonnay.
The first comment I would like to make is that Casablanca is a classic movie (rated 8.8 on IMDB) and was made over 60 years ago. Yet after seeing it I realise that I had no idea what it was about or didn't know at any time what was about to happen. I read a lot and watch a lot of TV so I am not sure how that is possible. I am grateful for it nonetheless.

So, they just don't make movies like this anymore. No, not just the black and white aspect but the character based script, the mundane sets, the poor effects (well it was made in 1942), the melodramatic acting, the dramatic orchestral score that forewarned you of what drama was about to occur, the lack of billings gate language. If they did make a movie like this today it would be shot down in flames as being too cheesy. In fact the Cancer Council would probably have it banned. Talk about global warming - I now know what caused it - the amount of cancer sticks Bogey puffed through during this movie!

I liked it. Maybe it is the nostalgia that black and white film creates, maybe it was the likable character, Rick, played by Humphrey Bogart (a massive name in movies yet the first time I had seen him). Maybe because it was a romantic drama that didn't overdo the sentimentality. Maybe because it was the first romantic movie I have seen that didn't star Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan or Hugh Grant. One thing that did surprise me is that it actually made me laugh out loud, something that a lot of so called comedies don't do - Scary Movie, Beavis and Butthead immediateley spring to mind.
The plot kept moving at a steady pace and I was always guessing what the characters past were and what the future held for them. And classic lines, sure I didn't know what the plot was beforehand, but I certainly knew all the lines that come from it - "Here's looking at you kid", "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.", and "Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake." (not "Play it again Sam" like everyone seems to think is said).

I'll leave you with one last thought about the ending ... the french policeman, Captain Renault says earlier in the film about Rick - "Well, Rick is the kind of man that... well, if I were a woman, and I were not around, I should be in love with Rick.". The last scene is the same Captain Renault and Rick walking off together with Rick saying to him - "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship". No wonder he let the girl go, he is a flaming homosexual.

My ratings -
Casablanca : 6 lit cigarettes, 1 unlit
Fried Rice: 7 spoons of MSG
Wine: 7 party wine goblets